Thursday, October 30

Skater boy

As I was driving past Skater's Edge, a shop located in the heart of fabulous Manch Vegas, where skaters buy boards, accessories (extra wheels? lubricant? what does a skateboard need?) and oversized, overpriced threads resplendent with graphic designs, some young skate pup had the temerity to hold up traffic so he could get a running start for a trick he executed.

Which ellicited this response from me:

Skater-boy, skater-boy skate away home.
Your homework's on fire and your iPod is gone.

It was a great trick, though.

Wednesday, October 29

Tuesday, October 28

World's Fattest Man Gets Hitched


That settles it. There really is someone for everyone. Story here

Monday, October 27

Quite possibly my favorite poem


`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.



"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

The frumious Bandersnatch!"



He took his vorpal sword in hand:

Long time the manxome foe he sought --

So rested he by the Tumtum tree,

And stood awhile in thought.



And, as in uffish thought he stood,

The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

And burbled as it came!



One, two! One, two!

And through and through

The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!

He left it dead, and with its head

He went galumphing back.


"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?

Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'

He chortled in his joy.


`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.


-Jabberwocky, Lewis Carroll

Quoth She

Love is a verb.

Thursday, October 23

Reviewlet: A Thousand Splendid Suns


Like The Kiterunner, A Thousand Splendid Suns is a sensitive book, capable of a great scope of emotions. This is the second saddest, heaviest book I've read. As such, the story is probably a fitting tribute to Afghani women. Reading it made me intensely grateful for my country, my freedom, prosperity, all kinds of blessings, and basic human dignity. And it made me proud of American troops who are, hopefully, kicking Al-Qaeda tail.

Darn good thing the ending was slightly happier than the rest of the book, or I would have been in danger of dehydration. As it was I needed water after sobbing for a quarter of an hour.

Wednesday, October 15

Midget gum


Hey, Orbit! Where the other half of my gum at?! What is this, midget gum?

Friday, October 10

Thursday, October 9

Thank You, God


...for the hilarious hideousness that is bald rat.

Economy shmonomy


My mom found a six pack of this stuff at the dump.

Wednesday, October 1

Welcome to Snarkopolis

Dude who asked me for directions this morning: I sort of regret taking off in the opposite direction while you were still talking, but I had a schedule to keep and you weren't paying me for my time. It took your post-hippie brain 30 seconds to formulate your question, 30 seconds to process my response and I-don't-know-how-long to find the name of the street you were looking for even though the directions were right in front of you.

Also, let's face it: you're not the safest looking guy. While your Keith Richards wannabe look might make some biker chick say "Yum", it didn't exactly inspire my confidence. That ponytail, hair bandana and giant gypsy earring? All very nice if you're dressing up as Jack Sparrow for Halloween, but October 31 is a long way off and we're even further from the summer of '69. And what was up with that furry, dead-animal-looking beaded thing hanging from your rearview mirrror? What was that, anyway? I wasn't about to get one foot closer to your rape van to find out.

Now maybe you're a perfecly lovely person who was just having a rough day. If so, lo siento, perdon, mea culpa and all that, but a lone woman 's gotta look out for herself, you know? Dude?

Tuesday, September 30

Dance Like Echo Dawn

My mom and I are driving through a city looking for something down alleyways. Finally we get out and start walking, looking for it on foot. It was dark when we were in the car but it's lighter now that we're outside.

It's a big, busy city like Boston or NY. Lots of people on the sidewalks. It's evening. People are milling around and we're trying to stay together. There's this big crowd of people ahead taking up most of the road. They've been listening to a band play or something. They're a rough lot. Middle aged but wild looking with a lot of dyed hair, torn clothes and punk jewelry. Blowing smoke and loud, beery voices.

My mom and I are trying to get through the crowd. Suddenly she calls to me, says "Happy Birthday" and reaches over to hug me, but this shortish guy with Rod Stewart style black hair gets in her way and she's effectively hugging him. He grabs her and starts sweeping her along, making a joke of it for his friends to see. It's tense. I extricate my mom from him and he looks mad. We step aside. I explain to him sheepishly,

"It's my birthday Tuesday but my friends are going to be away, so my mom just wanted to say Happy Birthday with some people around, like it's a party."

The guy's face changes immediately.

"Hey, Dom!" he yells, pointing at me.

The guy named Dom comes over and grabs me and suddenly we're up on the stage. He's swinging me up in the air and back down, like an extreme dance routine. I'm weightless, being tossed around like a little toy in the bright stage lights. People gather around, taking pictures.

The closeness of the crowd makes it feel like we're inside. No, we are inside. It's changed. We're in a bar and my dad is there at the front of the crowd, filming with his camera. Dom swings me around smoothly, changing the routine. I'm mugging now, getting comfortable, smiling for the cameras and dancing in time to the music. After what seems like a long time we stop.

I thank Dom and am aware of what he looks like for the first time. He has white hair, is in his late 40's or early 50's, and is nice looking with a deeply cleft chin like Kirk Douglas. He's shirtless. I didn't notice that before but now I'm well aware of the incongruity between our appearances. I'm wearing my green Red Sox hat, grey fleece jacket and black culottes.

I ask Dom politely--feeling very odd because we'd been in such close proximity and I'm still kind of draped on him, my arm around his shoulder, sweating profusely under my fleece--I ask him if he's a dancer or if he just does this at parties?

He says, "I like to say that I can dance like Echo Dawn."

I recognize the name of an old movie and remember that I just read that exact phrase somewhere--in a personal ad on Craig's List. Yes, I just saw this guy's profile.

He continues, "I'm single--divorced. I like to stay in shape." He flexes. His muscles are defined but old mannish. His chest is narrow and seems to be caving inward.

I'm aware of my dad, looking on and feeling not-too-comfortable with me being so close to this guy, but he's also fiddling with his camera, trying to get a good shot. The flash isn't working.

I look at the camera, hold it at arms length and try to get a shot of Dom and me. Turning the camera around to look at the image, I am surprised to see that I look like I'm 14 years old and have cute, even features, looking more like a neighbor of mine than myself.

I say to Dom, "Here, why don't you try taking it? You have longer arms." But that picture doesn't come out well either. One of us is cut off.

As I'm waking up I'm still enjoying the sensation of weightlessness but I am regretting that I don't have a good picture of Dom and me.