Meals on Wheels and the Potter's Wheel

I feel badly for anyone who has to work with people all day, I really do. One of the benefits of my job is that it requires engaging in conversation with only three people on a regular basis. One of those peeps is the Meals-On-Wheels guy. He kindly delivers Mr. S's lunch five days a week. He is gregarious and affable, he stays less than 5 minutes and he bears food, all reasons why I shouldn't mind seeing him. Yet, I do, there's no getting around it. I don't dislike like him; I just don't like him being here.

Here's why:

1. He calls Mr. S Charlie, Chuck, bother, bro, buddy, dude and anything else that pops into his aging hippie head. Those names are OK for the stoners you hung out with in college, DUDE, but this in an 88 year old gentleman. Show some respect.

2. Every day he knocks "shave and a haircut, two bits" on the door. For some reason I hate it. I cringe as he ascends the stairs, waiting like Damocles for the blow to fall. Sometimes when I see his vehicle coming I lunge for the door, wrenching it open before he has time to lay an offending knuckle on it. However, this surprises him and may elicit a word-we-don't say-here, which brings me to the next point.

3. He uses my Savior's name in a bad way. I don't like that.

4. Every day he says "How are you?" twice. Every day I answer, "Good. How are you?" Twice. Is that necessary? Couldn't we dispense with that? I should throw in "I stashed my grandmother's body in the stairwell" just to see if he notices. One of the presidents said something similar in a receiving line. It's a good story, too bad I forgot the details.

5. He calls me "kiddo" and "hon". Grrrrrr!

6. I like peace, calm and quiet and have an antipathy for anything that disrupts the aforementioned. A more pleasant intrusion is less subject to resentment, but no intrusion is immune. We used to have a different MOW driver, a woman who I liked a lot. At one time she lived in the Alaskan wilderness and grew her own food. She wore great shoes. Even so, her arrival was a little ripple on an otherwise smooth pond.

I hope this doesn't mean I'm a bad person; which is to say, I hope people don't think less of me. But hey, while I'm on the Potter's wheel I might as well exploit my imperfections for literary inspiration. Oh, and if you're in the neighborhood feel free to drop in :)