Diary of a Day with Cat*

Cat has been licking itself for eight minutes

Cat has been licking itself for thirteen minutes.

I throw a pillow at cat, pillow bounces off recliner, cat propels itself from recliner. Cat's owner looks inquisitively at pillow on floor, I pretend not to notice

Cat saunters back into living room, sits 6 feet away from me. Stares.

Cat is biting its (fur?) (skin?) Sickening, crunching noise ensues. I throw pen, hits cat in lower back region, cat jumps upwards of 2 feet

I shake fist at cat

Cat scratches its mangled ear until it bleeds. I throw pad of paper at cat, cat makes mewling noise as it bolts for the door

Cat tries to escape to upstairs apartment. Door closed. Cat hides in stairwell

I pass stairs, hiss at cat. Cat darts down stairs

Cat has not moved for 4 hours. I consider possible causes and ramifications of cat's death

Cat moved, appears to be alive

Cat scratches its disgusting chin for 3 minutes, disgusting chin appears red and inflamed. Dry skin can be seen flaking off

Cat sitting in recliner. I tip recliner, spilling cat

Cat paces floor, possibly disgruntled

Rotten odor emanates from area of cat. Cat stares challengingly. I throw USB cable at cat.

Cat retreats to lap of owner, smirks at me.

Owner hugs, kisses it, talks to it. Owner loves cat, possibly justifying its existance



* name changed to protect identity